i try not to weigh myself during the week (though it’s hard to stop myself), but today i did just for the hell of it. i was hoping to still be where i was at last week’s weigh-in, despite not exercising for several days and not really being too concerned about my calorie count. but, i was down 1.2 pounds to 163.2. i was shocked, to say the least. i really hope that sticks until tomorrow’s weigh-in (or maybe goes down even more!).

a cowboy’s wife is having a contest on her food blog! you can win a hamilton beach® stand mixer and she’ll ship anywhere so everyone is eligible! i can’t even tell you how much i would love this mixer. i’ve been dying to get one. it would make baking so much easier and more fun!

i hate getting ready for work in the mornings. i know that when i pick out an outfit and get dressed, it’s going to feel tight on me. no matter how much i work out or how well i count my calories, it always happens. then, my husband gets a phone call from his very distressed wife complaining that nothing fits anymore.

he says it’s all in my head. and, i guess he has a point. if my clothes really fit that much tighter every day, i’d probably weigh several hundred pounds by now. the problem is figuring out how to get out of that mindset. i try to make myself think positively, but it still doesn’t work. i long for the day when i will actually feel good about myself instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a disgusting, ugly person. i want to feel as beautiful as my husband says i am. i just worry that day will never come.

maybe i need counseling.

i did a night workout today, which i haven’t done in a long time. i felt a little more tired than normal, probably because it was 8:30 p.m. when i started and i was already tired from the day. i had a good workout though, and i feel like i worked as hard or harder than usual, despite doing 15 minutes less on the bike. i realized tonight that since april 2007 i have moved from 1-2 resistance on the bike to 3 sets of 4 resistance, which shows that i’m gaining quite a bit of strength in my legs.

having joe here while i work out has been good in that he can watch how i do my strength exercises and make sure i’m doing them correctly. i found out tonight that i was doing the running woman wrong, and the 8 pound weights i had been using were too much when i did the exercise correctly. i had to go down to 5 pounds.

cardio
30 minutes bike (resistance level: 4)

weight training
overhead press
8 lbs, 12 reps, 3 sets

running woman
8 lbs, 12 reps, 2 sets
5 lbs, 12 reps, 1 set

lifts
8 lbs, 12 reps, 3 sets

bent rows
8 lbs, 12 reps, 3 sets